Harlan-Evans, Inc.

Guidance for individuals and organizations in the midst of tough times.

"It’s Not About YOU!

It’s About Them!

Taking it personally? How can you help yourself? After all, you were attacked, passed over, or insulted.

If you are feeling abused or disrespected, assume that it is not about you. Assume that it is about the person or people who are doing the attacking.

They are attacking you. So you naturally believe that they are in fact saying something about you and your worth. You take it personally, you become defensive, and you become emotional, wounded, fearful, tentative or immobilized.

It becomes so much easier when you accept that the other person is looking at the world from the perspective that he or she is the center of the Universe.

What he or she is really doing (by attacking, slighting, or demeaning you) is attempting to maintain his or her own status as center of the Universe. You simply got in the way of this person’s sense of his or her own importance.

As you struggle with your emotional response to the behavior of others, recognize that whatever they are doing is probably not really about you. You are almost irrelevant. If you are able to stop taking it personally, you may be able to respond more effectively.

Try to imagine what pressure the other person is feeling that is causing he or she to act that way. Try to feel what the Troll may be feeling and ask yourself objectively, “what does this person need from you that you are not giving?” Try to stop reacting from your own point of view and see if you can react in a way which is understanding of what he or she is feeling.

Of course you do not have to. Perhaps you would rather keep feeling the way you are feeling?"

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